I saw this image at my Mamma's house. Which for me was very ironic, since I was there to perform my grandmother's death anniversary. My grandmother, Sumathi (Amma) was an amazing singer. This image is of M.S. Subbhalakshmi, one of the most famous Carnatic singers of all time, as a young girl. For my mom and I, M.S. Subbhalakshmi and Amma look and sound very similar. (I personally think that if give then opportunity, Amma would have given Katcheris and made a name for herself) I love this image because it reminds me of Amma's dedication to Carnatic music. I keep this image as the lock screen of my phone. It's the first thing I look at when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep. Amma, M.S. Subbhalakshmi, they devoted their lives to their art. Whether they had support or not. This image reminds me that dedication to your art is as simple as practicing. For these ladies, it is their Tamburi, for me it is my gejje.
Amma tried to teach me Sangeetha (vocal). But the month I'd have with her sporadically every 4 years wasn't enough. But she would take me into the back room of the house where she kept her tamburi and her Sangeetha books and she'd start singing. Sometimes it was humming to whatever had popped in mind or she would sit properly and belt out a beautiful devarnama. She became ill with cancer in 2002. My last visit with her, summer 2005, she took me to the back room sat me down and sang. I think she knew her time was up and this was the last time we'd have together. After singing one beautiful poem, she stopped and said, you know, "I don't sing for anyone, but Him. Sangeetha is my relationship with God." I have never forgotten those words. I hold them deep in my heart. I attribute the god given talent I have to Amma. I also understand what she means. When I am dancing, something comes over me. I am in a trance, lost in the music and movement. I am learning to express what that emotion is. I think it is that I am conversing with God, and I am showing my ultimate devotion. Amma, I miss you. I wish I had you now to talk about all the things that we love so much. I know you are speaking to me. I feel you when I dance. I hear your beautiful voice in my head. Thank you, for giving me this art. I am not alone, I have you with me.
